I am too close for him to dream of me.
I don’t flutter over him, don’t flee him
beneath the roots of trees. I am too close.
The caught fish doesn’t sing with my voice.
The ring doesn’t roll from my finger.
I am too close. The great house is on fire
without me calling for help. Too close
for one of my hairs to turn into the rope
of the alarm bell. Too close to enter
as the guest before whom walls retreat.
I’ll never die again so lightly,
so far beyond my body, so unknowingly
as I did once in his dream. I am too close,
too close, I hear the word hiss
and see its glistening scales as I lie motionless
in his embrace. He’s sleeping,
more accessible at this moment to an usherette
he saw once in a travelling circus with one lion,
than to me, who lies at his side.
A valley now grows within him for her,
rusty-leaved, with a snowcapped mountain at one end
rising in the azure air. I am too close
to fall from that sky like a gift from heaven.
My cry could only waken him. And what
a poor gift: I, confined to my own form,
when I used to be a birch, a lizard
shedding times and satin skins
in many shimmering hues. And I possessed
the gift of vanishing before astonished eyes,
which is the richest of all. I am too close,
too close for him to dream of me.
I slip my arm from underneath his sleeping head –
it’s numb, swarming with imaginary pins.
A host of fallen angels perches on each tip,
waiting to be counted.
from “Salt 1962”
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